Birds

1Chorus Singing. Ah! ah! we are betrayed; 'tis sacrilege! Our friend, he who picked up corn-seeds in the same plains as ourselves, has violated our ancient laws; he has broken the oaths that bind all birds; he has laid a snare for me, he has handed us over to the attacks of that impious race which, throughout all time, has never ceased to war against us.

1Chorus Singing. Man is a truly cunning creature, but nevertheless explain. Perhaps you are going to show me some good way to extend my power, some way that I have not had the wit to find out and which you have discovered. Speak! 'tis to your own interest as well as to mine, for if you secure me some advantage, I will surely share it with you.

1First Semi-Chorus Singing. Oh, rustic Muse of such varied note, tiotiotiotiotiotinx, I sing with you in the groves and on the mountain tops, tiotiotiotinx. I poured forth sacred strains from my golden throat in honor of the god Pan, tiotiotiotinx, from the top of the thickly leaved ash, and my voice mingles with the mighty choirs who extol Cybele on the mountain tops, totototototototototinx. 'Tis to our concerts that Phrynichus comes to pillage like a bee the ambrosia of his songs, the sweetness of which so charms the ear, tiotiotiotinx.

1Chorus Singing. I do as you do, and I wish as you wish, and I implore you to address powerful and solemn prayers to the gods, and in addition to immolate a sheep as a token of our gratitude. Let us sing the Pythian chant in honor of the god, and let Chaeris accompany our voices. Pisthetaerus To the flute-player. Enough! but, by Heracles! what is this? Great gods! I have seen many prodigious things, but I never saw a muzzled raven. The Priest arrives. Priest! it's high time! Sacrifice to the new gods. Priest I begin, but where is the man with the basket? Pray to the Hestia of the birds, to the kite, who presides over the hearth, and to all the god and goddess-birds who dwell in Olympus... Pisthetaerus Oh! Hawk, the sacred guardian of Sunium, oh, god of the storks! Priest... to the swan of Delos, to Leto the mother of the quails, and to Artemis, the goldfinch... Pisthetaerus It's no longer Artemis Colaenis, but Artemis the goldfinch. Priest... to Bacchus, the finch and Cybele, the ostrich and mother of the gods and mankind... Pisthetaerus Oh! sovereign ostrich Cybele, mother of Cleocritus! Priest... to grant health and safety to the Nephelococcygians as well as to the dwellers in Chios... Pisthetaerus The dwellers in Chios! Ah! I am delighted they should be thus mentioned on all occasions. Priest... to the heroes, the birds, to the sons of heroes, to the porphyrion, the pelican, the spoon-bill, the redbreast, the grouse, the peacock, the horned-owl, the teal, the bittern, the heron, the stormy petrel, the fig-pecker, the titmouse... Pisthetaerus Stop! stop! you drive me crazy with your endless list. Why, wretch, to what sacred feast are you inviting the vultures and the sea-eagles? Don't you see that a single kite could easily carry off the lot at once? Begone, you and your fillets and all; I shall know how to complete the sacrifice by myself. The Priest departs.

1Chorus Singing. It is imperative that I sing another sacred chant for the rite of the lustral water, and that I invoke the immortals, or at least one of them, provided always that you have some suitable food to offer him; from what I see here, in the shape of gifts, there is naught whatever but horn and hair. Pisthetaerus Let us address our sacrifices and our prayers to the winged gods. A Poet enters.

1First Semi-Chorus Singing. Henceforth it is to me that mortals must address their sacrifices and their prayers. Nothing escapes my sight nor my might. My glance embraces the universe, I preserve the fruit in the flower by destroying the thousand kinds of voracious insects the soil produces, which attack the trees and feed on the germ when it has scarcely formed in the calyx; I destroy those who ravage the balmy terrace gardens like a deadly plague; all these gnawing crawling creatures perish beneath the lash of my wing.

1Second Semi-Chorus Singing. Happy indeed is the race of winged birds who need no cloak in winter! Neither do I fear the relentless rays of the fiery dog-days; when the divine grasshopper, intoxicated with the sunlight, as noon is burning the ground, is breaking out into shrill melody; my home is beneath the foliage in the flowery meadows. I winter in deep caverns, where I frolic with the mountain nymphs, while in spring I despoil the gardens of the Graces and gather the white, virgin berry on the myrtle bushes.

1Chorus Singing. War, a terrible war is breaking out between us and the gods! Come, let each one guard Air, the son of Erebus, in which the clouds float. Take care no immortal enters it without your knowledge. Leader of the Chorus Scan all sides with your glance. Hark! methinks I can hear the rustle of the swift wings of a god from heaven. The Machine brings in Iris, in the form of a young girl. Pisthetaerus Hi! you woman! where, where, where are you flying to? Halt, don't stir! keep motionless! not a beat of your wing! She pauses in her flight. Who are you and from what country? You must say whence you come. Iris I come from the abode of the Olympian gods. Pisthetaerus What's your name, ship or head-dress? Iris I am swift Iris. Pisthetaerus Paralus or Salaminia? Iris What do you mean? Pisthetaerus Let a buzzard rush at her and seize her. Iris Seize me? But what do all these insults mean? Pisthetaerus Woe to you! Iris I do not understand it. Pisthetaerus By which gate did you pass through the wall, wretched woman? Iris By which gate? Why, great gods, I don't know. Pisthetaerus You hear how she holds us in derision. Did you present yourself to the officers in command of the jays? You don't answer. Have you a permit, bearing the seal of the storks? Iris Am I dreaming? Pisthetaerus Did you get one? Iris Are you mad? Pisthetaerus No head-bird gave you a safe-conduct? Iris A safe-conduct to me. You poor fool! Pisthetaerus Ah! and so you slipped into this city on the sly and into these realms of air-land that don't belong to you. Iris And what other roads can the gods travel? Pisthetaerus By Zeus! I know nothing about that, not I. But they won't pass this way. And you still dare to complain? Why, if you were treated according to your deserts, no Iris would ever have more justly suffered death. Iris I am immortal. Pisthetaerus You would have died nevertheless. — Oh! that would be truly intolerable! What! should the universe obey us and the gods alone continue their insolence and not understand that they must submit to the law of the strongest in their due turn? But tell me, where are you flying to? Iris I? The messenger of Zeus to mankind, I am going to tell them to sacrifice sheep and oxen on the altars and to fill their streets with the rich smoke of burning fat. Pisthetaerus Of which gods are you speaking? Iris Of which? Why, of ourselves, the gods of heaven. Pisthetaerus You, gods? Iris Are there others then? Pisthetaerus Men now adore the birds as gods, and it's to them, by Zeus, that they must offer sacrifices, and not to Zeus at all! Iris In tragic style. Oh! fool! fool! Rouse not the wrath of the gods, for it is terrible indeed. Armed with the brand of Zeus, Justice would annihilate your race; the lightning would strike you as it did Licymnius and consume both your body and the porticos of your palace. Pisthetaerus Here! that's enough tall talk. Just you listen and keep quiet! Do you take me for a Lydian or a Phrygian and think to frighten me with your big words? Know, that if Zeus worries me again, I shall go at the head of my eagles, who are armed with lightning, and reduce his dwelling and that of Amphion to cinders. I shall send more than six hundred porphyrions clothed in leopards' skins up to heaven against him; and formerly a single Porphyrion gave him enough to do. As for you, his messenger, if you annoy me, I shall begin by getting between your thighs, and even though you are Iris, you will be surprised at the erection the old man can produce; it's three times as good as the ram on a ship's prow! Iris May you perish, you wretch, you and your infamous words! Pisthetaerus Won't you get out of here quickly? Come, stretch your wings or look out for squalls! Iris If my father does not punish you for your insults... The Machine takes Iris away. Pisthetaerus Ha!... but just you be off elsewhere to roast younger folk than us with your lightning.

1Chorus Singing. We forbid the gods, the sons of Zeus, to pass through our city and the mortals to send them the smoke of their sacrifices by this road. Pisthetaerus It's odd that the messenger we sent to the mortals has never returned. The Herald enters, wearing a golden garland on his head. Herald Oh! blessed Pisthetaerus, very wise, very illustrious, very gracious, thrice happy, very... Come, prompt me, somebody, do Pisthetaerus Get to your story! Herald All peoples are filled with admiration for your wisdom, and they award you this golden crown. Pisthetaerus I accept it. But tell me, why do the people admire me? Herald Oh you, who have founded so illustrious a city in the air, you know not in what esteem men hold you and how many there are who burn with desire to dwell in it. Before your city was built, all men had a mania for Sparta; long hair and fasting were held in honor, men went dirty like Socrates and carried staves. Now all is changed. Firstly, as soon as it's dawn, they all spring out of bed together to go and seek their food, the same as you do; then they fly off towards the notices and finally devour the decrees. The bird-madness is so clear that many actually bear the names of birds. There is a halting victualler, who styles himself the partridge; Menippus calls himself the swallow; Opuntius the one-eyed crow; Philocles the lark; Theogenes the fox-goose; Lycurgus the ibis; Chaerephon the bat; Syracosius the magpie; Midias the quail; indeed he looks like a quail that has been hit hard on the head. Out of love for the birds they repeat all the songs which concern the swallow, the teal, the goose or the pigeon; in each verse you see wings, or at all events a few feathers. This is what is happening down there. Finally, there are more than ten thousand folk who are coming here from earth to ask you for feathers and hooked claws; so, mind you supply yourself with wings for the immigrants. Pisthetaerus Ah! by Zeus, there's no time for idling. To some slaves. Go as quick as possible and fill every hamper, every basket you can find with wings. Manes will bring them to me outside the walls, where I will welcome those who present themselves.

1Chorus Singing. This town will soon be inhabited by a crowd of men. Fortune favours us alone and thus they have fallen in love with our city. Pisthetaerus To the slave Manes, who brings in a basket full of wings. Come, hurry up and bring them along. Chorus Will not man find here everything that can please him — wisdom, love, the divine Graces, the sweet face of gentle peace? Pisthetaerus As Manes comes in with another basket. Oh! you lazy servant! won't you hurry yourself?

1Chorus Singing. Let a basket of wings be brought speedily. Come, beat him as I do, and put some life into him; he is as lazy as an ass. Pisthetaerus Aye, Manes is a great craven. Chorus Begin by putting this heap of wings in order; divide them in three parts according to the birds from whom they came; the singing, the prophetic and the aquatic birds; then you must take care to distribute them to the men according to their character.

1Chorus Singing. In my ethereal flights I have seen many things new and strange and wondrous beyond belief. There is a tree called Cleonymus belonging to an unknown species; it has no heart, is good for nothing and is as tall as it is cowardly. In springtime it shoots forth calumnies instead of buds and in autumn it strews the ground with bucklers in place of leaves.

1Chorus Far away in the regions of darkness, where no ray of light ever enters, there is a country, where men sit at the table of the heroes and dwell with them always —except in the evening. Should any mortal meet the hero Orestes at night, he would soon be stripped and covered with blows from head to foot. Prometheus enters, masked to conceal his identify. Prometheus Ah! by the gods! if only Zeus does not see me! Where is Pisthetaerus? Pisthetaerus Ha! what is this? A masked man! Prometheus Can you see any god behind me? Pisthetaerus No, none. But who are you, pray? Prometheus What's the time, please? Pisthetaerus The time? Why, it's past noon. Who are you? Prometheus Is it the fall of day? Is it no later than that? Pisthetaerus This is getting dull! Prometheus What is Zeus doing? Is he dispersing the clouds or gathering them? Pisthetaerus Watch out for yourself! Prometheus Come, I will raise my mask. Pisthetaerus Ah! my dear Prometheus! Prometheus Sh! Sh! speak lower! Pisthetaerus Why, what's the matter, Prometheus? Prometheus Sh! sh! Don't call me by my name; you will be my ruin, if Zeus should see me here. But, if you want me to tell you how things are going in heaven, take this umbrella and shield me, so that the gods don't see me. Pisthetaerus I can recognize Prometheus in this cunning trick. Come, quick then, and fear nothing; speak on. Prometheus Then listen. Pisthetaerus I am listening, proceed! Prometheus Zeus is done for. Pisthetaerus Ah! and since when, pray? Prometheus Since you founded this city in the air. There is not a man who now sacrifices to the gods; the smoke of the victims no longer reaches us. Not the smallest offering comes! We fast as though it were the festival of Demeter. The barbarian gods, who are dying of hunger, are bawling like Illyrians and threaten to make an armed descent upon Zeus, if he does not open markets where joints of the victims are sold. Pisthetaerus What! there are other gods besides you, barbarian gods who dwell above Olympus? Prometheus If there were no barbarian gods, who would be the patron of Execestides? Pisthetaerus And what is the name of these gods? Prometheus Their name? Why, the Triballi. Pisthetaerus Ah, indeed! 'tis from that no doubt that we derive the word ‘tribulation.' Prometheus Most likely. But one thing I can tell you for certain, namely, that Zeus and the celestial Triballi are going to send deputies here to sue for peace. Now don't you treat with them, unless Zeus restores the scepter to the birds and gives you Basileia in marriage. Pisthetaerus Who is this Basileia? Prometheus A very fine young damsel, who makes the lightning for Zeus; all things come from her, wisdom, good laws, virtue, the fleet, calumnies, the public paymaster and the triobolus. Pisthetaerus Ah! then she is a sort of general manageress to the god. Prometheus Yes, precisely. If he gives you her for your wife, yours will be the almighty power. That is what I have come to tell you; for you know my constant and habitual goodwill towards men. Pisthetaerus Oh, yes! it's thanks to you that we roast our meat. Prometheus I hate the gods, as you know. Pisthetaerus Aye, by Zeus, you have always detested them. Prometheus Towards them I am a veritable Timon; but I must return in all haste, so give me the umbrella; if Zeus should see me from up there, he would think I was escorting one of the Canephori. Pisthetaerus Wait, take this stool as well. Prometheus leaves. Pisthetaerus goes into the thicket.

1Chorus Singing. Near by the land of the Sciapodes there is a marsh, from the borders whereof the unwashed Socrates evokes the souls of men. Pisander came one day to see his soul, which he had left there when still alive. He offered a little victim, a camel, slit his throat and, following the example of Odysseus, stepped one pace backwards. Then that bat of a Chaerephon came up from hell to drink the camel's blood. Poseidon enters, accompanied by Heracles and Triballus. Poseidon This is the city of Nephelococcygia, to which we come as ambassadors. To Triballus. Hi! what are you up to? you are throwing your cloak over the left shoulder. Come, fling it quick over the right! And why, pray, does it draggle in this fashion? Have you ulcers to hide like Lespodias? Oh! democracy! whither, oh! whither are you leading us? Is it possible that the gods have chosen such an envoy? You are undisturbed? Ugh! you cursed savage! you are by far the most barbarous of all the gods. — Tell me, Heracles, what are we going to do? Heracles I have already told you that I want to strangle the fellow who dared to wall us out. Poseidon But, my friend, we are envoys of peace. Heracles All the more reason why I wish to strangle him. Pisthetaerus comes out of the thicket, followed by slaves, who are carrying various kitchen utensils; one of them sets up a table on which he places poultry dressed for roasting. Pisthetaerus Hand me the cheese-grater; bring me the silphium for sauce; pass me the cheese and watch the coals. Heracles Mortal! we who greet you are three gods. Pisthetaerus Wait a bit till I have prepared my silphium pickle. Heracles What are these meats? Pisthetaerus These are birds that have been punished with death for attacking the people's friends. Heracles And you are going to season them before answering us? Pisthetaerus Looking up from his work for the first time. Ah! Heracles! welcome, welcome! What's the matter? Poseidon The gods have sent us here as ambassadors to treat for peace. Pisthetaerus Ignoring this. There's no more oil in the flask. Heracles And yet the birds must be thoroughly basted with it. Poseidon We have no interest to serve in fighting you; as for you, be friends and we promise that you shall always have rain-water in your pools and the warmest of warm weather. So far as these points go we are plenipotentiaries. Pisthetaerus We have never been the aggressors, and even now we are as well disposed for peace as yourselves, provided you agree to one equitable condition, namely, that Zeus yield his scepter to the birds. If only this is agreed to, I invite the ambassadors to dinner. Heracles That's good enough for me. I vote for peace. Poseidon You wretch! you are nothing but a fool and a glutton. Do you want to dethrone your own father? Pisthetaerus What an error. Why, the gods will be much more powerful if the birds govern the earth. At present the mortals are hidden beneath the clouds, escape your observation, and commit perjury in your name; but if you had the birds for your allies, and a man, after having sworn by the crow and Zeus, should fail to keep his oath, the crow would dive down upon him unawares and pluck out his eye. Poseidon Well thought of, by Poseidon! Heracles My notion too. Pisthetaerus To Triballus. And you, what's your opinion? Triballus Nabasatreu. Pisthetaerus D'you see? he also approves. But listen, here is another thing in which we can serve you. If a man vows to offer a sacrifice to some god, and then procrastinates, pretending that the gods can wait, and thus does not keep his word, we shall punish his stinginess. Poseidon Ah! and how? Pisthetaerus While he is counting his money or is in the bath, a kite will relieve him, before he knows it, either in coin or in clothes, of the value of a couple of sheep, and carry it to the god. Heracles I vote for restoring them the scepter. Poseidon Ask Triballus. Heracles Hi! Triballus, do you want a thrashing? Triballus Sure, bashum head withum stick. Heracles He says, Right willingly. Poseidon If that be the opinion of both of you, why, I consent too. Heracles Very well! we accord you the scepter. Pisthetaerus Ah! I was nearly forgetting another condition. I will leave Here to Zeus, but only if the young Basileia is given me in marriage. Poseidon Then you don't want peace. Let us withdraw. Pisthetaerus It matters mighty little to me. Cook, look to the gravy. Heracles What an odd fellow this Poseidon is! Where are you off to? Are we going to war about a woman? Poseidon What else is there to do? Heracles What else? Why, conclude peace. Poseidon Oh! you blockhead! do you always want to be fooled? Why, you are seeking your own downfall. If Zeus were to die, after having yielded them the sovereignty, you would be ruined, for you are the heir of all the wealth he will leave behind. Pisthetaerus Oh! by the gods! how he is cajoling you. Step aside, that I may have a word with you. Your uncle is getting the better of you, my poor friend. The law will not allow you an obolus of the paternal property, for you are a bastard and not a legitimate child. Heracles I a bastard! What's that you tell me? Pisthetaerus Why, certainly; are you not born of a stranger woman? Besides, is not Athena recognized as Zeus' sole heiress? And no daughter would be that, if she had a legitimate brother. Heracles But what if my father wished to give me his property on his death-bed, even though I be a bastard? Pisthetaerus The law forbids it, and this same Poseidon would be the first to lay claim to his wealth, in virtue of being his legitimate brother. Listen; thus runs Solon's law: A bastard shall not inherit, if there are legitimate children; and if there are no legitimate children, the property shall pass to the nearest kin. Heracles And I get nothing whatever of the paternal property? Pisthetaerus Absolutely nothing. But tell me, has your father had you entered on the registers of his phratry? Heracles No, and I have long been surprised at the omission. Pisthetaerus Why do you shake your fist at heaven? Do you want to fight? Why, be on my side, I will make you a king and will feed you on bird's milk and honey. Heracles Your further condition seems fair to me. I cede you the young damsel. Poseidon But I, I vote against this opinion. Pisthetaerus Then it all depends on the Triballus. To the Triballus. What do you say? Triballus Givum bird pretty gel bigum queen. Heracles He says give her. Poseidon Why no, he does not say anything of the sort, or else, like the swallows he does not know how to walk. Pisthetaerus Exactly so. Does he not say she must be given to the swallows? Poseidon Resignedly. All right, you two arrange the matter; make peace, since you wish it so; I'll hold my tongue. Heracles We are of a mind to grant you all that you ask. But come up there with us to receive Basileia and the celestial bounty. Pisthetaerus Here are birds already dressed, and very suitable for a nuptial feast. Heracles You go and, if you like, I will stay here to roast them. Pisthetaerus You to roast them? you are too much the glutton; come along with us. Heracles Ah! how well I would have treated myself! Pisthetaerus Let some one bring me a beautiful and magnificent tunic for the wedding. The tunic is brought. Pisthetaerus and the three gods depart.

1Chorus Singing. At Phanae, near the Clepsydra, there dwells a people who have neither faith nor law, the Englottogastors, who reap, sow, pluck the vines and the figs with their tongues; they belong to a barbaric race, and among them the Philippi and the Gorgiases are to be found; 'tis these Englottogastorian Philippi who introduced the custom all over Attica of cutting out the tongue separately at sacrifices.

1Chorus†'Twas that the Fates formerly united Olympian Hera to the King who governs the gods from the summit of his inaccessible throne in the midst of such festivities. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus!

1Chorus Rosy Eros with the golden wings held the reins and guided the chariot; 'twas he, who presided over the union of Zeus and the fortunate Hera. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus!