Dialogues of the Gods

1HERAThis Ixion, Zeus, what sort of a fellow do you think he is? ZEUSWhy, an honest man, my dear, and grand company. He wouldn’t be our guest, if he were unworthy of our table. HERABut he isn’t worthy, for his behaviour’s outrageous. So don’t invite him again. ZEUSHow’s it been outrageous? I think I should be in the know too. HERAOf course you should. But I’m ashamed to mention it. Such a thing to dare! ZEUSBut if he’s tried to do anything shameful, that’s all the more reason for telling me about it. He’s not been making attempts on anyone, has he? I think I can guess the sort of shameful thing you wouldn’t like to mention.

2HERAIt’s me he’s been after. Me of all people! And for a long time too! At first I didn’t know what it all meant, when he kept gazing hard at me. He would sigh and whimper, and whenever I gave the cup to Ganymede after drinking, he would ask for a drink from the same cup, and when he got it, would stop in the middle of his drink and kiss the cup, bringing it up to his eyes, and staring at me again. Presently I realised these were signs of love, and for a long time I was ashamed to mention the matter to you, thinking the man would get over his madness. But now that he’s actually dared to broach the subject with me, I’ve left him still weeping and grovelling on the ground, and, stopping up my ears so that I wouldn’t even hear his outrageous pleas, I’ve come to tell you. I leave his punishment in your own hands.

3ZEUSThe enterprising old devil! Supplanting me! Aspiring to Hera’s affections! So drunk with the nectar! Well, it’s our own fault; we’ve been far too good to men, inviting them up to drink with us. So you can’t blame them, when they’ve had the same to drink as us, and seen the beauty of heaven’s ladies, the like of which they never saw on earth, if they fall in love and want such beauties for themselves. After all, Love’s a pretty violent thing, and gets the mastery not only of men, but sometimes even of us gods. HERALove’s your master, good and proper. He drags you along, pulling you by the nose, as they say, and you follow wherever he leads you, and don’t mind changing into anything he bids you. Why, you’re nothing but love’s chattel and plaything. I can see already that you sympathise with Ixion, because you yourself once made free with his wife, and she brought you Peirithous.

4ZEUSWhat? Do you still remember every time I went down to earth to have some fun? Do you know what I think we should do with Ixion? We shouldn’t punish him or forbid him our table. That would be ill-bred. No, since he’s in love, and reduced to tears and suffers intolerable torment— HERAQuick, out with it; for I’m afraid you too will make some outrageous suggestion. ZEUSNothing of the sort. No, let’s make a model of you out of cloud, and every night after dinner, when he can’t get to sleep for love, as is only natural, we can bring it and put it beside him. Thus he could be out of his misery, and imagine he’s got what he longs for. HERANever! Curse him for lusting after what’s above him. ZEUSStill you must put up with it, my dear. What harm will the model do you, if Ixion makes love to a cloud?

5HERABut I’ll be mistaken for the cloud and so be put to shame, because we can’t be told apart. ZEUSWhat nonsense! The cloud could never become Hera or you a cloud. Ixion will be deceived, that’s all. HERABut humans are all so ill-bred. Perhaps he’ll start boasting down on earth, telling his story to everyone and claiming that he’s been keeping company with Hera, and sharing Zeus’ bed; perhaps he may even say I’m in love with him, and they’ll believe him, not knowing he was with a cloud. ZEUSVery well, if he says anything bike that, he’ll be thrown down to Hades and tied to a wheel—he won’t like that a bit—and carried round and round with the wheel for ever, and suffer torment without end, not as a punishment for his love—for that’s no crime—but for boasting.