Dialogues of the Gods

1HEPHAESTUSHave you seen how bonny Maia’s newborn baby†is, Apollo, and what a nice smile it has for everyone? You can see already it’ll be a real treasure. APOLLOThat baby a real treasure, Hephaestus? Why, it’s already older than Iapetus†when it comes to mischief. HEPHAESTUSWhat harm could it do? It was born only the other day. APOLLOAsk Poseidon—it stole his trident—or Ares—it filched his sword out of his scabbard—not to mention myself—it disarmed me of my bow and arrows.

2HEPHAESTUSWhat? That newborn infant, which can hardly stand up, and is still in its baby-clothes? APOLLOYou’ll see for yourself, my dear fellow, if he gets near you. HEPHAESTUSBut he’s already been near me. APOLLOAnd what happened? Still got all your tools? None gone? HEPHAESTUSAll present and correct, Apollo. APOLLOAll the same, have a really good look. HEPHAESTUSGood heavens, I can’t see my tongs. APOLLONo, you’ll see them in his baby-clothes. HEPHAESTUSCan he have been practising stealing in his mother’s womb, that he’s so light-fingered?

3APOLLOWell, haven’t you heard him speaking? He already has a glib and fluent tongue. And he wants to be our message boy. And yesterday he challenged Eros to wrestle with him, and in no time at all took his feet from under him somehow and had him on the ground. When they were still congratulating him and Aphrodite gave him a hug for winning, he stole her girdle, and, before Zeus had stopped laughing, his sceptre into the bargain; and if his thunderbolt hadn’t been too heavy and scorching hot, he’d have had that too and nobody any the wiser. HEPHAESTUSThe child’s too sharp for words, by your account. APOLLOYes, and he’s already shown he’s musical. HEPHAESTUSHow can you tell that?

4APOLLOHe picked up a dead tortoise somewhere, and made himself a musical instrument out of it; he’s fitted arms to it, with a yoke across, then driven in pegs, fitted a bridge, and stretched seven strings across; he plays a dainty melody with it, Hephaestus, well in tune, so that even I am green with envy for all my years of practice on the harp. Even at night, Maia was telling me, he wouldn’t stay in heaven, but would go all the way down to Hades out of curiosity—to steal something from there, I’ve no doubt. He has wings on his feet, and has had someone make him a rod with marvellous powers, and with it leads down the souls of the dead. HEPHAESTUSI gave him that for a toy. APOLLOWell, he’s paid you back for that good and proper—the tongs, you know. HEPHAESTUSThanks for reminding me. I’ll go and get them back, if they’re to be found, as you say, in his baby-clothes.